


A blowjob is a blowjob

by AbsolutelyGarbage



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blowjobs, Complete, Fluff, Humor, Jean is an idiot and Marco is a cutie, M/M, No Homo, wingman springles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-04
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-01-14 14:10:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1269328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsolutelyGarbage/pseuds/AbsolutelyGarbage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If a guy full on, no joke, full homo, offered to suck your dick what would you say?" Jean let out a snort of a laugh in response and rolled his shoulders back in a shrug (oh my god he’s so adorable)</p><p>"A blowjob is a blowjob" I promptly choked on my water. Jean normally vehemently denied anything that could possibly be misconstrued as him being gay and yet here he was, openly admitting that he would accept the offer if a guy offered to suck his dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this http://ask-irl-lad-jean.tumblr.com/post/78528320974/if-marco-straight-up-no-joke-full-homo-offered-to

I’m not sure what possessed me to ask.

I mean I know  _why_ I did it but I have no idea where I got the nerve to actually propose the idea. Probably because of his response to Connie’s question earlier today. Great job Connie, now I’m sitting on the edge of my bed with Jean on video game night while he looks at me like I’m insane because I just asked to suck his dick.

OK, let me back up a little. First off, while I do blame Connie for my current situation let the record show that he’s a complete sweetheart. Connie, and Sasha, have always been the closest to Jean and I out of our friend group and it’s them who always intervene on my behalf when I fuck things up socially.

Connie himself has sat me many a night while I eat Ben and Jerry's mixed with cheap beer straight out of the carton and cry about how I’m in love with my best friend. Not to mention despite being straight as a board he’s always scoping out guys for me to hook up with and doesn't even bat an eye when people accuse him of being gay. He’s a great guy, really.

Just, he has one fatal flaw; a tendency to get involved with other people’s business (see:mine) it’s Connie and Sasha’s life mission to hook Jean and I up even though Jean is just as straight as Connie and really they should spend their time sorting out their own almost-dating-but-not-quite relationship before worrying about anyone else.

So why are they trying to hook me up with Jean even though he’s straight? Quite simply put I’m in love with him. Probably have since we met in kindergarten. Though at the time I probably only liked him because he shared his animal crackers with me (hey they do say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach).

Now, while the food he cooks when we have our video game nights is always delicious, my affections are a bit deeper. And by a bit I mean I’m completely in love with the asshole, full homo, way past the bounds of a crush. I love the way he slips into French (his native language) when he gets angry, the small shy smile he gives whenever you give him a compliment, his brutal but brave honesty.

 His stupid haircut, his multitude of painful looking piercings. The fact he studied his ass off our final year of high school so we could go to the same college instead of asking me to apply somewhere less prestigious. The relaxed expression he makes when he’s in front of the stove and nothing exists besides him and whatever he’s creating (despite the fact the kitchen is in the common room of his dorm building). When he sings softly in the shower or when he’s running a vacuum and he thinks no one can hear him-

OK, you get the point. I love Jean. But I'vew come to accept the fact that these feelings will never be recuperated; besides he does love me too-just in a platonic way. That’s good enough for me, I am important to him and we get to be together in some way and it’s not ideal but I’m ok with it.

So how the hell did I get in this painfully awkward situation?

Oh, that’s right, my big stupid mouth. And Connie.

We were having lunch together in the mess like we do once and a while-not often though since due to the sheer size of our group we have to push together an entire row of tables and we always get dirty looks from the workers and other students-when Reiner got the ball running on a rousing game of “asking and answering extremely inappropriate and sexual questions”

Yeah, that’s the kind of thing that’s only supposed to happen in a room full of wasted high school students sitting in a crowded circle around an empty beer bottle. But it’s what my friends do for fun.

This is my life, these are my choices (really they’re great people I promise)

After Connie replied that the most sexual appealing onsie was the monkey one that he bought Sasha on a dare a year ago, and after they stared at each other for a moment that was more sexually charged than my entire life, he decided to ask Jean.

"If a guy full on, no joke, full homo, offered to suck your dick what would you say?" Jean let out a snort of a laugh in response and rolled his shoulders back in a shrug (oh my god he’s so adorable)

"A blowjob is a blowjob" I promptly choked on my water. Jean normally vehemently denied anything that could possibly be misconstrued as him being gay and yet here he was, openly admitting that he would accept the offer if a guy offered to suck his dick.

After narrowly avoiding getting the Heimlich from Mikasa, they don’t call her momma bear for nothing, I had to deal with about ten minutes of teasing involving the fact that sucking dicks was nothing new to me.

You give one guy a quickie at a party junior year of high school and no one let’s you live it down. Ever.

Lunch ended sooner than I would have liked. Most of my friends have afternoon classes so they slowly began to trickle out until it was just Armin and I. Armin said that he had a paper to work on and I supposed I should work on homework.

It took me about .5 seconds after I took my textbook out that I wasn't going to do homework. Without being surrounded by the warmth and easy conversation of my friends my mind drifted to darker places.

Most of the time I can ignore my feelings for Jean but when i’m alone and I have some inspiration I like to pretend I would have a chance, if I said or did the right thing.

By the time Jean showed up at four with pizza and his x-box I had an entire dialog worked out between us in my head.

Of course this well thought out articulate plan flew out the window at the sight of him. He laughed when I knocked my textbook over in the process of getting up and my stomach did flips. How many times had I heard that laugh? At least a thousand and it still gave me butterflies.

"Thanks for the help" I said sarcastically, I could feel my cheeks burning but he doesn't seem to notice, too preoccupied with hooking the game up "and you’re not even cooking for me" I pointed indignantly at the pizza.

"I’m not your mom" Jean snapped. I didn't notice it before because I had been distracted by my thoughts but he seemed a little off "I didn't feel like cooking"

I slammed my text book shut, not even pretending to think about studying. I turned to him, watching at he scowled at the tangled cords. fuck he’s adorable…dammit Marco focus. Jean’s upset for a reason.

"Jean" I started and he could tell what I was going to say from my tone, we've been friends forever, after all.

"Don’t" His voice is harsh "I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to hang out and beat your ass at Call of Duty"

"Was it Mikasa?" I pressed because I know he would spend the rest of the night miserable if we don’t talk. As much as I hate hearing about his crush on Eren’s beautiful sister.

"Maybe…" Jean muttered in a way that meant ‘yes’. "I just, can’t seem to get her to notice me" he sighed and I sat down on the bed next to him, pushing the tangled console to the side.

"Of course Mikasa notices you" I pointed out "she considers you one of her closest friends"

"Emphasis on friends" Jean added bitterly and I nudged him playfully in the side.

"Friends is never a bad thing, romantic relationships aren't everything" I encouraged the best I could. Really all I could do was spout cheesy lines because while I have plenty of experience in the unrequited love department i’m not sure if Jean wants to use my coping methods. and by methods I mean ignoring it most of the time and occasionally jacking off in the shower where no one can tell you’re crying.

But no one needs to hear about how pathetic I am, let’s move on.

"You’re right, and i’m glad we’re friends I just…wish there was more"

I know how you feel, trust me. And suddenly the mix of heart break, desperation, and my delusional thoughts from earlier come bubbling to the surface and I said something I really wish I hadn't.

"Maybe, given the circumstances…I could maybe, you know, help you out?" Jean looked at me confused and this was opportunity number one to back track.

"You know, what Connie, uh, mentioned earlier. About the, uh, blowjobs" I could feel the heat from my cheeks spread to my ears as I just kept going instead of stopping.

Jean stared at me in stunned silence before asking “Are you serious”

And like the idiot I am, instead of laughing and saying that it was a joke I answered honestly “Yeah, I am”

That’s where we are now. Jean’s just looking at me with a half stunned half contemplative expression and I think he might be considering punching me. I’d deserve it.

"Okay" he finally answers and I can’t believe what i’m hearing. He doesn't look like he believes it either.

"I mean why not?" Jean starts to defend and I have to stop him before before he actually says something like ‘no homo’ because I know I still don’t stand a chance but I can pretend. Just for tonight.

I slip off the bed and kneel on the floor in between where his legs are hanging off the bed. I look up at him and he raises an eyebrow as if to say ‘well?’

I clear my throat drumming my fingers against his kneecap “you’re going to have to scootch closer” I say quietly and he flushes, his brief moment of bravado gone.

Jean moves closer to the edge of the bed and i’m not sure where to begin. I've only done this once before, years ago, and I was drunk at the time. But Jean is looking at me eyes half lidded and cheeks dusted the most delicious shade of pink and I have to at least try.

I’m probably pushing my luck by pressing my lips to the sliver of skin exposed where his shirt has ridden up but even blowjobs have some sort of foreplay right? Jean doesn't move away so I take it as consent. I unbutton his pants and begin to work them down his thighs.

I place more light kisses to his lower stomach and naval, pushing his shirt out of the way. Jean let’s out a shaky sigh and the noise is so satisfying I grow more daring, pressing my lips against his dick through his underwear.

His hand flies to my head, pushing it closer to his crotch. I lick along the clothed length of his shaft and he lets out a soft groan. I check his expression again and feel a surge of pride because he looks positively undone and I've hardly done anything.

I mouth the head through the fabric before pulling away. He let’s out a whine “Marco” it’s broken and pleading and I've never heard anything so beautiful in my life. I pull down his boxers and I've seen his dick before, it’s unavoidable when you've known someone for that long, but never like this.

Never stiff and swollen, never with precome gathering against the piercing in the slit on the head. I've always wondered what that silver ball would feel under my tongue and now I can’t resist. I flick my tongue against the piercing and Jean let’s out a small gasp, his hand pressing me closer.

I hold his hips down because he tries to buck into my mouth but I want to tease him more first, hear more of those moans, hear my name. I run my fingers along the length of his dick digging my tongue against the silver ball again. Jean keens, I can feel his eyes on me as I focus on the task at hand.

I never imagined Jean being so vocal, I always pictured him biting his lip and trying to not make any noise but he’s letting the moans fall freely. “Mar-co” he moans my name again and it’s so broken and beautiful.

I take the head into my mouth slowly, giving it a harsh suck and looking up so I can relish the way his neck arches, I want to mark it up but I can’t. This is enough though, more than I ever dared hope for.

I slip more in and silently curse myself for never practicing because my gag reflex doesn't allow me to take him to the hilt. Jean doesn't seem to mind, he gives a breathy moan and his hand in my hair tightens.

"Yes, fuck Marco" Jean encourages breathless. I flatten my tongue and start bobbing my head, I make up for not being able to fit it all in by stroking the rest of his dick with somewhat skilled fingers.

He doesn't have a particularly amazing taste but at least it doesn't taste bad. Just like salt and sweat, though I don’t know what else I expected. It’s a dick, that’s all there is to it. I love his noises though, and his expression, and even though my jaw is getting I could do this all day.

I can feel him twitch and I pull back a little, swirling my tongue around the head again before going back down. His breathing is growing more rapid and his praises more incoherent and I know he’s close.

"Marco I" he starts but his voice fails him and I feel another surge of pride "I’m going to" I get the point and look him in the eyes without pulling away, giving him silent permission.

He bucks his hips as he can with my free hand pinning him to the bed and let’s out a low keening noise that I think was supposed to be my name and suddenly his cum is filling my mouth. It’s not entirely unpleasant and the looks on Jean’s face when I swallow it is priceless.

"Holy shit" He mutters, flopping back against the bed and enjoying the after glow. I have to suppress a grin, he may like Mikasa but it was me who wrecked him like this, not her. Maybe he’ll let me do it again in the future.

"Um"Jean starts, propping himself on his elbows and motioning to my tented pants "I could return the favor?"

I bite my lip and nod vigorously. “A blowjob is a blowjob, right?”

He hesitates before replying “y-yeah”


	2. Far Too Young To Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blowjob AU  
> now with 30% more plot

A few moments later we’ve switched positions so Jean is in between my legs. After complaining that there’s no way he would be able to stay on his knees that long, flattering really, Jean demanded that I make room on the bed for him.

The way we are now, with me on my back, I would have to bend at an awkward angle just to watch him. Just as well I guess, last thing I need is that image burned into my mind and resurfacing at an awkward time.

Jean’s silent and I can’t resist taking a peak at his expression. When I do I almost laugh, his brows are furrowed in concentration so he is actually glowering at my dick. As if he can intimidate it into submission. I resist though, for fear of him getting pissed and storming out on me.

“Ok, let’s get to it then” He licks his lips nervously before placing a wet, open mouthed, kiss to my shaft. It feels slick and kinda gross, but nice. Really nice. I arch my hips slightly, encouraging him.

Feeling more confident he sticks his tongue out, running the flat of it along my length and holy crap that shouldn’t even be legal. I bite my lip to stop the noise I’m making because whining isn’t dignified in the slightest.

Apparently Jean takes that as a challenge because suddenly is mouth is around my dick and it’s hot and wet and so unfair. I let out a noise of protest that comes out more like a whine and grip the sheets, needing to hold onto something.

“Jean” I plead and I’m not even sure what for. Jean seems to have a better idea, holding my hips down and bobbing his head. He’s better at this than I am, or at least that’s what I think. He swallows hard around me and my back arches involuntarily.

Jean lets out a snort of amusement through his nose. You weren’t fairing much better at this point yourself, I think. He doesn’t give me chance to voice this swallowing again and causing my words to turn into moans.

I lean forward to watch him with a huff and immediately regret it. There’s no way I’m going to be able to forget this. Future fantasy fuel, at least.

“Jean, ‘m close” I slur, I don’t care enough to focus on much other than his mouth and how perfect it feels right now.

His eyes widen and he pulls off with a wet pop. He finishes the job with his hand and it doesn’t take long for him to bring me over the edge. I can’t help it, I moan his name when I come.

Jean stares at the offending substance in his hand with curiosity and you’d think he’d never seen jizz before. I roll my eyes and hunt down tissues when I’ve recovered enough to move. He mumbles a thanks and cleans himself off.

We sit in silence for a moment and I think about everything about the repercussions of what we just did. Which more than likely start any second now, Jean’s trying to find the right words to say that this doesn’t mean anything I can tell from his expression. He doesn’t need to say it, I already know.

“Marco I-“ he starts and his phone ringing, the obnoxious whirring of the Tardis fills my room. He contemplates ignoring it but one glance at the caller ID and he answers it. I really hope he isn’t going to talk to his parents after he just had my dick in his mouth.

“Armin?” I feel a small wave of relief “slow down man I can’t understand a word you’re saying” Jean speaks in a calm, even, tone and I know immediately that something has happened. I fix my pants and put my belt back on.

“We’ll be right there, just don’t let the idiot pass out” Jean says sounding irritated now “it’s going to be ok” he adds hastily before hanging up.

“What happened?” I ask as he re adjusts his clothing as well, stuffing his phone into his pocket.

“Jaeger got into a fight, he’s wrecked and Mikasa’s got her hands full fighting them off. Armin can’t carry him alone” Jean explains quickly, I already have my car keys and we leave without a moment to waste.

If it had been anyone besides Mikasa I’m sure all three of them would have been done in by the time Jean and I get there. As is, Mikasa is down, bleeding from her nose, ankle twisted at a weird angle and circled by five or six guys twice her size. I wonder what Eren could possibly have done to have this justified in their minds.

My stomach churns at the sight but Jean reacts quicker. He’s out the door of my old pick up and running head first towards the attackers.

“Jean, wait!” I protest, struggling with the seat belt. If Mikasa can’t take these guys on alone what makes him think he can. I finally get freed and run after Jean. I hear the sickening crunch of a fist against his nose.

“Marco, get Mikasa!” Armin calls from the side, taking a defensive stance over Eren. I glance towards Jean taking on all those guys at once then at Mikasa who appears to be losing consciousness. Fuck.

I scoop Mikasa up quickly and carry her over to where Armin and Eren are. I whip around to the fight and see reinforcements have arrived. Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and Ymir have joined in on the fray. I scan the crowd for Jean, over on the other side of the lot Sasha and Connie are holding him up between them. He looks pretty beaten up but not too bad.

“Armin, help me get Eren and Mikasa to my truck” I hoist Eren back and prop Mikasa in between Armin and I. She’s still conscious enough to walk on her good leg. I look back at Jean once they’re loaded up and a lump rises in my throat because I know I have to get them to a hospital asap. I have to leave him behind.

It’s unfair to leave Armin in that waiting room with both of his childhood friends in the intensive care unit but my I’ve reached my capacity of selflessness and Jean could be bleeding out alone in that lot and I can’t let that happen.

Armin doesn’t mind, he doesn’t even notice. He just stares poker faced at the juice a nurse gave him to help with the shock. He hasn’t drunken any of it. I slip away easily.

I blast Jean’s panic at the disco CD on the way back because I think if I don’t I might fill the silence with my screams instead. When I get there the lot is empty, completely. I reach to pull out my phone and call him and realize I don’t have it.

The drive to my dorm is even worse but being able to actually physically run, through the halls, up the stairs, helps fend off my panic. When I throw open my door my phone is buzzing against my desk and I answer it without looking at the screen.

“Jean?” I ask, breathless and hopeful.

“Annie” comes the curt reply “Why haven’t you been answering your phone? Reiner went to look for you”

“Left it in my dorm” I explain, trying to catch my breath “Jean is he-“

“He’s fine, just needed a cast and some stitches” it’s amazing how composed Annie can be even now. Others might call her cold but I’m thankful for her steadiness right now.

“And everyone else?” I ask feeling guilty for not asking sooner.

“Well you took off with the trio” I can’t help but think of the irony of her calling them that with how close she is to Reiner and Bertholdt “so I don’t know about them but everyone else is fine. Bert needed a cast too, Ymir got a broken nose”

“Mikasa and Eren are in the ICU, I don’t know” I can feel my panic rising and I swallow it “I don’t know if they’re going to be ok”

“Calm down” Annie orders me though I can tell from the slight shift in her voice at the news that she’s panicking too “Meet up with Reiner, call me back when you do” she hangs up after that.

Before I go any further;Mikasa and Eren where fine. The next 48 hours were hell for all of us and I doubt you want to know the details so there it is. They both made it through, albeit with a few more scars than before. I look at Jean, he looks away. We don’t say a word to each other.

Now this, dear readers, is exactly why you should take your blessings as they are and not suck your best friend’s dick. Because life isn’t a Jane Austin novel and you don’t get what you want if you love hard enough.

Not when your best friend has no interest in you whatsoever and is avoiding you like the plague because he can’t say that to your face. Not when you should really stop calling him your best friend because he won’t even talk to you anymore.

It’s partially my fault, I suppose, for waiting for him to initiate the discussion. Rejection isn’t particularly what I want to hear but once that is out of the way we can be friends again. Or at least try. I’m not sure there’s any going back once you’ve seen each other’s orgasm faces.

If there is any small blessing to be found in the fight it’s that it gives me the courage to confront Jean. All I have to do is think about him bleeding in the lot, enemies converging on him, and suddenly this doesn’t seem scary anymore. Plus it seems kind of petty to worry about my love life, or lack thereof, in comparison.

 _Just get it over with, like ripping off a band- aid_. I tell myself, knocking on Jean’s door. There’s no answer but I know him well enough to know he’s there. I’m not turning around because I know if I do I won’t ever end this whole fiasco.

Over the years of our friendship Jean’s lazy habits have gifted me with a spare key to his apartment. Jean had a habit of leaving things behind and sending me to get them for him, sometimes when I wasn’t even with him. I always do because, well, obvious reasons. Good thing too, this key is exactly what I need.

I try knocking again. No answer. I sigh and unlocking the door. I have to push the door open forcibly because the layer of garbage and clothes on the floor. I would be concerned but this is what it always looked like.  Jean isn’t sitting on the couch watching Netflix like I expect him to be.

“Jean?” I ask tentatively, making my way through the apartment.

“Ah-ahn” the noise is coming from his room and I flush because I recognize the sound. I stop swinging the door open a fraction of a second too late.

Jean freezes, eyes widening “Marco?” I flush deeper, I can feel the tips of my ears heating up.

Well this is a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is a Panic!At The Disco reference if you didn't get that  
> See you guys at part 3


	3. Caught In The Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean gets the boodty

Look at that boodty, show me the boodty

Give me the boodty, I want the the boodty

Back up the boodty, I need the boodty

I like the boodty, oh what a boodty

 

Shaking that boodty, I saw the boodty

I want the boodty, lord what a boodty

Bring on the boodty, give up the boodty

Loving the boodty, round boodty

 

Down for the boodty, I want the boodty

Hunting the boodty, chasing the boodty

Casing the boodty, getting the boodty,

Beautiful boodty, smoking boodty

Talk to the boodty, more boodty…

Fine boodty

 

All about the boodty, big old boodty

Serious boodty, amazing boodty

I’ll take the boodty, where is the boodty

Stare at the boodty, walking the boodty

Touching the boodty, who’s got the boodty

Grabbing the boodty, rubbing the boodty

Loving the boodty, hugging the boodty

Kissing the boodty, holding the boodty

Watching the boodty…. Kicking the boodty

 

Sleeping boodty, screaming boodty

Harder boodty, softer boodty

Sweeter boodty, sour boodty

New boodty, used boodty

Who’s boodty, sister’s boodty

Your mama’s boodty

Cookin boodty, mean boodty

Good luck with the boodty

 

Foreign boodty, home boodty

Road boodty, found boodty

Covered boodty, bare boodty

Sweaty boodty, powder that boodty

Bad boodty, sadder boodty

Wide boodty, wider boodty…

Double wide boodty

 

Live for the boodty, I like the boodty

Suing the boodty, scared of the boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Discount boodty, rented boodty

Leased boodty, selling the boodty

Working boodty, easy boodty

Sleazy boodty, greasy boodty

Need a lot more boodty

 

Wet boodty, dry boodty

I hope that one’s my boodty

Pretty boodty, Pity boodty

Little bitty boodty

 

Beautiful boodty, caressing the boodty

Dissing the boodty, missing the boodty

Messing with the boodty

Oh what a wonderful boodty

 

Powerful boodty, finding the boodty

Give me the boodty, wake up boodty

Breakfast boodty, lunch boodty

Supper boodty, dinner boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Buffet boodty, hot boodty

Cold boodty, takeout boodty

Delivery boodty

All Boodty

 

Boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty!

Look at that boodty, show me the boodty

Give me the boodty, I want the the boodty

Back up the boodty, I need the boodty

I like the boodty, oh what a boodty

 

Shaking that boodty, I saw the boodty

I want the boodty, lord what a boodty

Bring on the boodty, give up the boodty

Loving the boodty, round boodty

 

Down for the boodty, I want the boodty

Hunting the boodty, chasing the boodty

Casing the boodty, getting the boodty,

Beautiful boodty, smoking boodty

Talk to the boodty, more boodty…

Fine boodty

 

All about the boodty, big old boodty

Serious boodty, amazing boodty

I’ll take the boodty, where is the boodty

Stare at the boodty, walking the boodty

Touching the boodty, who’s got the boodty

Grabbing the boodty, rubbing the boodty

Loving the boodty, hugging the boodty

Kissing the boodty, holding the boodty

Watching the boodty…. Kicking the boodty

 

Sleeping boodty, screaming boodty

Harder boodty, softer boodty

Sweeter boodty, sour boodty

New boodty, used boodty

Who’s boodty, sister’s boodty

Your mama’s boodty

Cookin boodty, mean boodty

Good luck with the boodty

 

Foreign boodty, home boodty

Road boodty, found boodty

Covered boodty, bare boodty

Sweaty boodty, powder that boodty

Bad boodty, sadder boodty

Wide boodty, wider boodty…

Double wide boodty

 

Live for the boodty, I like the boodty

Suing the boodty, scared of the boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Discount boodty, rented boodty

Leased boodty, selling the boodty

Working boodty, easy boodty

Sleazy boodty, greasy boodty

Need a lot more boodty

 

Wet boodty, dry boodty

I hope that one’s my boodty

Pretty boodty, Pity boodty

Little bitty boodty

 

Beautiful boodty, caressing the boodty

Dissing the boodty, missing the boodty

Messing with the boodty

Oh what a wonderful boodty

 

Powerful boodty, finding the boodty

Give me the boodty, wake up boodty

Breakfast boodty, lunch boodty

Supper boodty, dinner boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Buffet boodty, hot boodty

Cold boodty, takeout boodty

Delivery boodty

All Boodty

 

Boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty!

Look at that boodty, show me the boodty

Give me the boodty, I want the the boodty

Back up the boodty, I need the boodty

I like the boodty, oh what a boodty

 

Shaking that boodty, I saw the boodty

I want the boodty, lord what a boodty

Bring on the boodty, give up the boodty

Loving the boodty, round boodty

 

Down for the boodty, I want the boodty

Hunting the boodty, chasing the boodty

Casing the boodty, getting the boodty,

Beautiful boodty, smoking boodty

Talk to the boodty, more boodty…

Fine boodty

 

All about the boodty, big old boodty

Serious boodty, amazing boodty

I’ll take the boodty, where is the boodty

Stare at the boodty, walking the boodty

Touching the boodty, who’s got the boodty

Grabbing the boodty, rubbing the boodty

Loving the boodty, hugging the boodty

Kissing the boodty, holding the boodty

Watching the boodty…. Kicking the boodty

 

Sleeping boodty, screaming boodty

Harder boodty, softer boodty

Sweeter boodty, sour boodty

New boodty, used boodty

Who’s boodty, sister’s boodty

Your mama’s boodty

Cookin boodty, mean boodty

Good luck with the boodty

 

Foreign boodty, home boodty

Road boodty, found boodty

Covered boodty, bare boodty

Sweaty boodty, powder that boodty

Bad boodty, sadder boodty

Wide boodty, wider boodty…

Double wide boodty

 

Live for the boodty, I like the boodty

Suing the boodty, scared of the boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Discount boodty, rented boodty

Leased boodty, selling the boodty

Working boodty, easy boodty

Sleazy boodty, greasy boodty

Need a lot more boodty

 

Wet boodty, dry boodty

I hope that one’s my boodty

Pretty boodty, Pity boodty

Little bitty boodty

 

Beautiful boodty, caressing the boodty

Dissing the boodty, missing the boodty

Messing with the boodty

Oh what a wonderful boodty

 

Powerful boodty, finding the boodty

Give me the boodty, wake up boodty

Breakfast boodty, lunch boodty

Supper boodty, dinner boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Buffet boodty, hot boodty

Cold boodty, takeout boodty

Delivery boodty

All Boodty

 

Boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty!

Look at that boodty, show me the boodty

Give me the boodty, I want the the boodty

Back up the boodty, I need the boodty

I like the boodty, oh what a boodty

 

Shaking that boodty, I saw the boodty

I want the boodty, lord what a boodty

Bring on the boodty, give up the boodty

Loving the boodty, round boodty

 

Down for the boodty, I want the boodty

Hunting the boodty, chasing the boodty

Casing the boodty, getting the boodty,

Beautiful boodty, smoking boodty

Talk to the boodty, more boodty…

Fine boodty

 

All about the boodty, big old boodty

Serious boodty, amazing boodty

I’ll take the boodty, where is the boodty

Stare at the boodty, walking the boodty

Touching the boodty, who’s got the boodty

Grabbing the boodty, rubbing the boodty

Loving the boodty, hugging the boodty

Kissing the boodty, holding the boodty

Watching the boodty…. Kicking the boodty

 

Sleeping boodty, screaming boodty

Harder boodty, softer boodty

Sweeter boodty, sour boodty

New boodty, used boodty

Who’s boodty, sister’s boodty

Your mama’s boodty

Cookin boodty, mean boodty

Good luck with the boodty

 

Foreign boodty, home boodty

Road boodty, found boodty

Covered boodty, bare boodty

Sweaty boodty, powder that boodty

Bad boodty, sadder boodty

Wide boodty, wider boodty…

Double wide boodty

 

Live for the boodty, I like the boodty

Suing the boodty, scared of the boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Discount boodty, rented boodty

Leased boodty, selling the boodty

Working boodty, easy boodty

Sleazy boodty, greasy boodty

Need a lot more boodty

 

Wet boodty, dry boodty

I hope that one’s my boodty

Pretty boodty, Pity boodty

Little bitty boodty

 

Beautiful boodty, caressing the boodty

Dissing the boodty, missing the boodty

Messing with the boodty

Oh what a wonderful boodty

 

Powerful boodty, finding the boodty

Give me the boodty, wake up boodty

Breakfast boodty, lunch boodty

Supper boodty, dinner boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Buffet boodty, hot boodty

Cold boodty, takeout boodty

Delivery boodty

All Boodty

 

Boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty!

Look at that boodty, show me the boodty

Give me the boodty, I want the the boodty

Back up the boodty, I need the boodty

I like the boodty, oh what a boodty

 

Shaking that boodty, I saw the boodty

I want the boodty, lord what a boodty

Bring on the boodty, give up the boodty

Loving the boodty, round boodty

 

Down for the boodty, I want the boodty

Hunting the boodty, chasing the boodty

Casing the boodty, getting the boodty,

Beautiful boodty, smoking boodty

Talk to the boodty, more boodty…

Fine boodty

 

All about the boodty, big old boodty

Serious boodty, amazing boodty

I’ll take the boodty, where is the boodty

Stare at the boodty, walking the boodty

Touching the boodty, who’s got the boodty

Grabbing the boodty, rubbing the boodty

Loving the boodty, hugging the boodty

Kissing the boodty, holding the boodty

Watching the boodty…. Kicking the boodty

 

Sleeping boodty, screaming boodty

Harder boodty, softer boodty

Sweeter boodty, sour boodty

New boodty, used boodty

Who’s boodty, sister’s boodty

Your mama’s boodty

Cookin boodty, mean boodty

Good luck with the boodty

 

Foreign boodty, home boodty

Road boodty, found boodty

Covered boodty, bare boodty

Sweaty boodty, powder that boodty

Bad boodty, sadder boodty

Wide boodty, wider boodty…

Double wide boodty

 

Live for the boodty, I like the boodty

Suing the boodty, scared of the boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Discount boodty, rented boodty

Leased boodty, selling the boodty

Working boodty, easy boodty

Sleazy boodty, greasy boodty

Need a lot more boodty

 

Wet boodty, dry boodty

I hope that one’s my boodty

Pretty boodty, Pity boodty

Little bitty boodty

 

Beautiful boodty, caressing the boodty

Dissing the boodty, missing the boodty

Messing with the boodty

Oh what a wonderful boodty

 

Powerful boodty, finding the boodty

Give me the boodty, wake up boodty

Breakfast boodty, lunch boodty

Supper boodty, dinner boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Buffet boodty, hot boodty

Cold boodty, takeout boodty

Delivery boodty

All Boodty

 

Boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty!

Look at that boodty, show me the boodty

Give me the boodty, I want the the boodty

Back up the boodty, I need the boodty

I like the boodty, oh what a boodty

 

Shaking that boodty, I saw the boodty

I want the boodty, lord what a boodty

Bring on the boodty, give up the boodty

Loving the boodty, round boodty

 

Down for the boodty, I want the boodty

Hunting the boodty, chasing the boodty

Casing the boodty, getting the boodty,

Beautiful boodty, smoking boodty

Talk to the boodty, more boodty…

Fine boodty

 

All about the boodty, big old boodty

Serious boodty, amazing boodty

I’ll take the boodty, where is the boodty

Stare at the boodty, walking the boodty

Touching the boodty, who’s got the boodty

Grabbing the boodty, rubbing the boodty

Loving the boodty, hugging the boodty

Kissing the boodty, holding the boodty

Watching the boodty…. Kicking the boodty

 

Sleeping boodty, screaming boodty

Harder boodty, softer boodty

Sweeter boodty, sour boodty

New boodty, used boodty

Who’s boodty, sister’s boodty

Your mama’s boodty

Cookin boodty, mean boodty

Good luck with the boodty

 

Foreign boodty, home boodty

Road boodty, found boodty

Covered boodty, bare boodty

Sweaty boodty, powder that boodty

Bad boodty, sadder boodty

Wide boodty, wider boodty…

Double wide boodty

 

Live for the boodty, I like the boodty

Suing the boodty, scared of the boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Discount boodty, rented boodty

Leased boodty, selling the boodty

Working boodty, easy boodty

Sleazy boodty, greasy boodty

Need a lot more boodty

 

Wet boodty, dry boodty

I hope that one’s my boodty

Pretty boodty, Pity boodty

Little bitty boodty

 

Beautiful boodty, caressing the boodty

Dissing the boodty, missing the boodty

Messing with the boodty

Oh what a wonderful boodty

 

Powerful boodty, finding the boodty

Give me the boodty, wake up boodty

Breakfast boodty, lunch boodty

Supper boodty, dinner boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Buffet boodty, hot boodty

Cold boodty, takeout boodty

Delivery boodty

All Boodty

 

Boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty!

Look at that boodty, show me the boodty

Give me the boodty, I want the the boodty

Back up the boodty, I need the boodty

I like the boodty, oh what a boodty

 

Shaking that boodty, I saw the boodty

I want the boodty, lord what a boodty

Bring on the boodty, give up the boodty

Loving the boodty, round boodty

 

Down for the boodty, I want the boodty

Hunting the boodty, chasing the boodty

Casing the boodty, getting the boodty,

Beautiful boodty, smoking boodty

Talk to the boodty, more boodty…

Fine boodty

 

All about the boodty, big old boodty

Serious boodty, amazing boodty

I’ll take the boodty, where is the boodty

Stare at the boodty, walking the boodty

Touching the boodty, who’s got the boodty

Grabbing the boodty, rubbing the boodty

Loving the boodty, hugging the boodty

Kissing the boodty, holding the boodty

Watching the boodty…. Kicking the boodty

 

Sleeping boodty, screaming boodty

Harder boodty, softer boodty

Sweeter boodty, sour boodty

New boodty, used boodty

Who’s boodty, sister’s boodty

Your mama’s boodty

Cookin boodty, mean boodty

Good luck with the boodty

 

Foreign boodty, home boodty

Road boodty, found boodty

Covered boodty, bare boodty

Sweaty boodty, powder that boodty

Bad boodty, sadder boodty

Wide boodty, wider boodty…

Double wide boodty

 

Live for the boodty, I like the boodty

Suing the boodty, scared of the boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Discount boodty, rented boodty

Leased boodty, selling the boodty

Working boodty, easy boodty

Sleazy boodty, greasy boodty

Need a lot more boodty

 

Wet boodty, dry boodty

I hope that one’s my boodty

Pretty boodty, Pity boodty

Little bitty boodty

 

Beautiful boodty, caressing the boodty

Dissing the boodty, missing the boodty

Messing with the boodty

Oh what a wonderful boodty

 

Powerful boodty, finding the boodty

Give me the boodty, wake up boodty

Breakfast boodty, lunch boodty

Supper boodty, dinner boodty

Expensive boodty, cheap boodty

Buffet boodty, hot boodty

Cold boodty, takeout boodty

Delivery boodty

All Boodty

 

Boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty

boodty boodty boodty boodty boodty!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a piece of shit, i'm sorry  
> happy april fool's day


	4. Best Friends With Benifits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this took a long ass time  
> apologies  
> more parts to follow!  
> ((you get butt stuff in this chapter, weeeee))

I’ve never had sex casually; I’ve never even had sex at all. ‘Friends with benefits’ was always a strange concept for me. I guess because I knew who I wanted before I even knew about the naughty stuff. So I always pictured my first time slow and romantic and with someone I was a committed relationship with.

Now I’m face down on a mattress for the third time this week, pinned there by my best friend. The same totally ‘straight’ Jean Kirschtein that I’ve been in love with forever.  
Life is funny like that.

I guess you’re probably wondering how this happened, huh?

Short version; I opened my big dumb mouth.

Long version:

sending me to get them for him, sometimes when I wasn’t even with him. I always do because, well, obvious reasons. Good thing too, this key is exactly what I need.

I try knocking again. No answer. I sigh and unlocking the door. I have to push the door open forcibly because the layer of garbage and clothes on the floor. I would be concerned but this is what it always looked like. Jean isn’t sitting on the couch watching Netflix like I expect him to be.

“Jean?” I ask tentatively, making my way through the apartment.

“Ah-ahn” the noise is coming from his room and I flush because I recognize the sound. I stop swinging the door open a fraction of a second too late.

Jean freezes, eyes widening “Marco?” I flush deeper, I can feel the tips of my ears heating up.

Well this is a surprise.

I really shouldn’t be so embarrassed, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen it. Jean’s dick, that is. I even had it in my mouth not too long ago. But I am embarrassed, my face heats up and a flow of flustered apologies flow out as Jean quickly covers himself.

“What are you doing here man?” I wince at the use of ‘man’. That was Jean’s way of emphasizing how straight his statement was.

“I wanted to talk to you” I try to gather the anger I had earlier at his avoidance of the issue but it’s hard when all I want to do right now is run away “About what happened”

“Oh” Jean looks down at his feet which are poking out of the blanket he used to hastily cover himself. Which I totally don’t think is cute because I’m supposed to be mad. “I thought we settled that. A blowjob is a blowjob, right?” his cheeks are flushed and he looks as mortified as I feel.

“So why have you been avoiding me?” I ignore how much his comment stings; I knew it was casual when it happened. Didn’t change the fact that I wished it had changed something.

“I haven’t-“ Jean begins to protest and I give him my best ‘don’t bull-spit me mister’ glare. It must be pretty potent because he shuts up. 

“Things just got weird. I mean I look at you and all I can see is-and it’s weird because I’m not gay but I can’t stop thinking about it-” Jean is rambling and I need to shut him up before he insists he’s not gay again and I lose my mind.

“It doesn’t have to be weird” My voice drops unintentionally but I like the effect it seems to have on him, he swallows hard and looks away. I approach the bed slowly, as if going slow will stop him from getting freaked out. “If you want to do it again, just ask”

“But I’m not-“ and without thinking I press my lips against his stopping his protests short because I really can’t hear ‘but I’m not gay’ right now. Jean doesn’t protest, he actually grabs my shirt and pulls me closer.

“Marco” He starts, eventually “I want to fuck you” and if I wasn’t so dizzy from the kiss I might laugh at how blunt he was being. 

“You got a condom?” It isn’t the most sexy thing to say but it’s important. No glove no love. I know he at least has lube because I just saw him using it.

“Yeah” Jean answers breathless, running a hand through his hair “Yeah, hold on” He leans over the side of the bed and fishes his wallet out of his pants pocket. Of course he would keep condoms with him at all times. Even though I know he’s as much of a virgin as I am.

He looks nervous as he pulls the condom out of his wallet so I press our lips together again. I swipe my tongue against his bottom lip and take a moment to appreciate the beautiful noise he makes. Really, I don’t see how anyone can blame me for loving him.

I pull away from the kiss and move my lips to his ear “Go ahead and put it on” I whisper and maybe I’ve been reading too much erotica but it seems to do the trick because Jean shudders, actually shudders, and nods.

While he busies himself with unwrapping the condom and rolling it on I sit back and begin to strip. I’m cursing myself for wearing so many layers and thanking that Jean’s nervous fumbling is prolonging his own task. Still, he is long done by the time I’m nude.

Without giving him a chance to think about what was happening (if blowjobs were a bad idea, what makes this a good one?) I snatch the lube off his night stand and pop the top open. I pour out a small amount and warm it between my hands before stroking Jean’s dick with a slick hand. He gasps out loud and bites his lip.

“You know how to do this?” I ask even though I already know the answer. Why would a ‘straight’ guy research gay sex? Predictably, Jean shakes his head (the fact that he doesn’t seem to trust himself with using actual words fills me with a strange sense of pride)

“Don’t worry, I’ll walk you through it, ok?” I wait for him to nod before grabbing his hand and squirting some lube onto his fingers. “I need you to stretch me” you would expect it to be awkward but guiding him through this is actually pretty hot, especially when he keeps flushing like that. 

It makes me think about how much he would squirm if our roles were reverse. Voicing that might send him running for the hills, though, so I guide his fingers to my entrance instead. I maneuver a bit too make sure the angle isn’t too awkward for either of us and I wonder if I’m going to have to prompt him further when he shoves a finger in a little too roughly. I’ve done this myself enough times that it doesn’t hurt too much but it still makes me wince.

“Shit, sorry” Jean apologizes quickly.

“No it’s ok, just. Gently” I roll my hips encouragingly and he begins to move the finger in and out, letting out little pants like he’s the one being stretched and I definitely could get used to this. I don’t know if Jean is going slow on purpose to tease me or if he’s that genuinely afraid to hurt me but by the time he finally slips a third finger inside I’m going insane.

“Jean, I swear to all that is holy if you don’t hurry up I will kill you, your children, and your grandchildren” Jean chuckles and I guess that answers my question of rather or not he was teasing me.

“All right, all right, jeez” He sounds breathless, I guess he’s feeling as strung out as I am. We shift again so I’m underneath him and he’s positioned between my legs “Ready?” he asks.

“Yes” I hiss arching my hips towards him. This time he initiates the kiss, crushing our lips together as he thrusts into me. It burns, more than I thought it would and I’m starting to regret not letting him prep me more.

“Fuck” Jean grunts, bottoming out “You ok?” he asks into my neck.

“Just give me a moment” I breathe deeply, forcing my muscles to relax. “Ok, you can move” I say eventually.

Jean goes slow, way slower than necessary because once the soreness dies down I’m craving the friction of him sliding in and out. I roll my hips against his, prompting him to go faster.

“Jean” I plead, causing him to groan. He seems to get the message because he picks up the pace, hands grabbing onto my hips and I’m suddenly grateful for the extra cushion there because his grip is bruising.

He tilts my hips higher, trying to get a deeper angle and it works. I bite my lip so hard it bleeds, gripping the sheets beneath me. Jean sees my reaction and rams into the same spot again.

“Fuck, Marco, you…” He doesn’t finish the sentence, but I can’t really focus on that. Not with his dick hitting my sweet spot over and over again. Not with his hand leaving my hip and stroking my own leaking dick in time with his thrusts. 

If anyone else asks, I lasted much longer my first time. But for you, dear readers, here’s the truth; Jean had me tumbling over the edge right then. I came with a cry of his name and an arch of my back. In my defense, he didn’t last much longer. Jean’s thrusts stuttered just as I was coming down from my high. He leaned forward and whispered something that I couldn’t understand into my shoulder as his orgasm shook him. I still haven’t asked him what he said, and he still hasn’t told me.

Without going through the gory details of the aftermath, here’s what happened; Jean started rambling again and rather than receive another punch to the heart I insisted that the whole thing was just casual. Surprisingly enough, he went with it.

He called me the next day and we just hung out. Pizza and video games like always with no mention of what happened. Then we went and visited Eren and Mikasa, still in casts and played risk with Armin (which was a terrible idea) everything was normal.

Until a few days later when Jean called me just short of 12 am. Yeah, you guessed it. My first booty call. I wish I could tell you it was smooth, but this is Jean we’re talking about. It was something along the lines of “remember when we had sex? Yeah, could we do that again?”

And it happened again. I came over, we had mind blowing sex. Then we never spoke of it again. Until the next time.

Somehow it became a regular thing. And some part of me knows I should put an end to it. That it’s going to ruin our friendship. But when you want something for so long and you get it, even if it’s just a tiny piece. It’s hard to let it go.

So now we’re here. Jean’s slick fingers stretching me open expertly while he whispers in my ear about how good I’m doing and how he’s going to wreck me (did you know Jean’s a dirty talker? I sure as heck didn’t) and I’m perfectly fine with the arrangement.

But, because the universe hates me (and because I forgot to put a sock on the fudging door) everything changes again. Because we’ve been caught.


End file.
